Goodbye
by TealEyed-Quatre
Summary: Songfic/Oneshot: Light reminisces about L and the mistakes he's made. YAOI. Don't read it if you don't like it.


A/N: This is my first Death Note fanfiction, so please be a little lenient in your opinions of my work. Note that this is YAOI, and a songfic, so the lyrics **are** relevant to the story. It is also decidedly AU, seeing as I haven't had the chance to read the whole series yet.

Disclaimer: I do not own the lyrics or the series Death Note.

Goodbye

A young man knelt next to a small memorial stone, holding a cracked picture frame.

_//Occurred to me the other day//_

He gripped it so tightly that it creaked within his fingers. He cast the photograph it contained a wistful look.

_//You been gone now a couple years//_

Black eyes stared emotionlessly up at him from a pale, thin face. Hair of the same color floated around it, unruly and unmanageable and looking a bit like feathers.

_//Well, I guess it takes awhile//_

He closed his eyes and tilted his head back, thinking. How long had it been?

_//For someone to really disappear//_

Three, four years, now… Had it really been so long? Sometimes it seemed like yesterday, and sometimes…

Sometimes he forgot completely.

_//And I remember where I was//_

He sat there for a moment, reminiscing. He remembered it all so clearly.

_//When the word came about you//_

They'd been in that hotel room, working on the case; the Kira case. L and Watari had left on an urgent call, and everyone was doing idle work while waiting for their return.

_//It was a day much like today//_

He'd been so bored… He remembered wishing for the detective to come back so that he could toy with him some more; perhaps even indulge in a game of chess.

And then his father's phone rang.

_//The sky was bright and wide and blue//_

It had seemed so impossible, he thought, looking up at the cloudless blue sky.

L wasn't supposed to die by any hand but his. They had believed it a joke, a shocking display of bad humor.

But it hadn't been.

_//And I wonder where you are//_

Where was L, he mused silently.

Had he reached a place of peace, a place he himself could never enter?

_//And if the pain ends when you die//_

Was he free of pain, of the emotional burden of humankind?

He hoped so. The man deserved as much for the hell his life had been.

_//And I wonder if there was//_

He looked at the picture again, tracing L's heart-shaped face with a finger. The vaguely discernible look of surprise on that face made him smile fondly in remembrance.

_//Some better way to say goodbye//_

It hadn't been fair, really, what had happened. No more L meant no more investigation, and his father went back to the NPS empty-handed. They all did.

His goals had faltered, then. At some point his actions as Kira had become a game, a way of matching wits with someone on his own level of intelligence.

_//Today my heart is big and sore//_

And it hurt.

The thought that everything he had ever worked for, every goal, every step forward, had been undermined…

Ruined by some stupid _emotion_.

_//It's trying to push right through my skin//_

But what hurt the most was that he had known it all along and ignored it. He'd believed that he could just ignore it and it would go away.

_//Won't see you anymore//_

He'd failed to act.

Emotions had always been a weakness; something he couldn't afford if he wanted to stay strong.

_//I guess it's finally sinking in//_

And because of that, he'd lost his chance.

He understood now that such things were assets if handled properly. His course of action had changed dramatically, but it was far too late.

_//'Cause you can't make somebody see//_

You couldn't force someone to acknowledge their emotions—they had to learn it on their own.

_//With the simple words you say//_

Words and intelligence weren't always enough.

He hadn't realized that until it was too late to implement it.

_//All their beauty from within//_

There had been so much there that he'd never noticed before.

He had taken to re-examining his past interactions with the detective, and it was shocking how much he'd missed.

_//Sometimes they just look away//_

He'd lost so much time; so many opportunities.

He could never go back and fix it; he had to live with it, every day.

_//And I wonder where you are//_

They wouldn't be going to the same place, that much he was certain of. He didn't have the right to end up with L, no matter how much he wanted to.

_//And if the pain ends when you die//_

He hugged the well-worn frame to his chest impulsively, wishing that warm flesh was pressed against him instead of cool wood and glass.

_//And I wonder if there was//_

He stood and leaned the photograph against the memorial stone, giving it one last longing glance.

Then he turned to leave, face impassive.

_//Some better way to say goodbye//_

Light Yagami never looked back.

It was time to face the music.

_Owari._


End file.
